Breaking the Habit
by half-goddess-Katia
Summary: This is AU. Harry is just starting his sixth year and he is very depressed about losing Sirius and a few of his friends. He is up late one night thinking, and this is the result of those thoughts.


Breaking the Habit

Disclaimer: I do not own "Breaking the Habit" or Harry Potter. The song belongs to Linkin Park, and Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowlings, gods bless her soul.

NOTE: This is set before the sixth book came out. I am pretending that it didn't come out for now, and that Harry had just lost Sirius. This is completely AU, and has absolutely no effect on how the actual series will go…duh…anyway, hope you enjoy it.

_Memories consume_

_Like opening the wound_

_I'm picking me apart again_

_You all assume_

_I'm safe here in my room_

_Unless I try to start again_

Harry leaned against the headrest of his four-poster bed, not at all tired despite the clock obviously telling him it was past 3 o'clock in the morning.

The young, ebony haired man was lost in thoughts. Well, more like lost in memories. He was lost in memories about the previous summer when he'd lost the one father figure he'd had, his godfather Sirius Black.

_I don't want to be the one_

_The battles always choose_

'_Cause inside I realize_

_That I'm the one confused_

The green-eyed teen clutched the cursed scar on his forehead. It was all because of that damned scar. It was all because of Voldemort. Why did he, Harry, have to be The Chosen One? Why couldn't it be someone else?

"Stupid question," he muttered hoarsely, almost inaudibly, to himself. He knew why. It was all because of the fucking prophecy. He was chosen just because of a prediction that might or might not have been referring to him. As a result of that prediction, he'd lost many he'd cared about.

_I don't know what's worth fighting for_

_Or why I have to scream_

_I don't know why I instigate_

_And say what I don't mean_

_I don't know how I got this way_

_I know it's not all right_

_So I'm breaking the habit_

_I'm breaking the habit_

_Tonight_

Not only had he lost his Mom, his Dad, and Sirius, but Remus, Hermione, and Hagrid all died too. They had died at different times during the summer. It seems that the Ministry of Magic hadn't gotten the wards up fast enough on all the houses of Muggle-borns, and Hermione and her family had been attacked…and killed. Ron was completely torn up over losing Hermione like he had, and thus was absolutely no help at all. Remus had died in a Deatheater attack, he had been protecting several children who died in a similar fashion despite his attempts to save them. Hagrid had on his way to see another colony of giants to see if they might be persuaded to either join Dumbledore or, at the very least, refuse to join Voldemort. He had never even made it to the giants colony. The Deatheaters had ambushed him half-way there and, just for shits and giggles he had to assume, sent a few pieces of Hagrid's remains to Harry by Owl post. God damn him if that hadn't hurt because Hagrid had been his first real friend.

"Overall," Harry muttered to himself, unspent tears in his eyes, "the world would've been a much better place without me. Voldemort would've had no reason to go after Mom and Dad, so Sirius wouldn't have gone to jail. Thus, he wouldn't have died in the Ministry of Magic. Hermione might still be alive, I know that one of the reasons that Voldemort went after her was because she was my friend."

_Clutching my cure_

_I tightly lock the door_

_I try to catch my breath again_

_I hurt much more_

_Than anytime before_

_I had no options left again_

Then an idea struck him. Slowly and carefully, Harry climbed out of bed, picking up his wand from his bedside table in the process. Kneeling in front of his trunk, he opened it and pulled out the Invisibility Cloak and his knife from his potions set. He stood up and walked to the door, turning once to look over his fellow year mates once more.

"Goodbye you guys," the ebony-haired teen muttered under his breath, inaudible underneath Neville's and Ron's snores. With a last, sad smile Harry walked out of the dorm.

_I don't know what's worth fighting for_

_Or why I have to scream_

_I don't know why I instigate_

_And say what I don't mean_

_I don't know how I got this way_

_I'll never be all right_

_So I'm breaking the habit_

_I'm breaking the habit_

_Tonight_

He walked down the spiraling steps to the boys' bathroom. Once he got inside, he locked the door with a number of spells that he'd learned over the summer while he'd tried to occupy himself so he wouldn't think about Sirius constantly. It did and didn't work. While he did learn quite a few spells, he never once stopped thinking about Sirius. His thoughts constantly wandered to how Sirius, Remus, and his Dad might've used it in school, he preferred to ignore the fact that Wormtail had been part of the group too. He also placed a silencing charm around the room so that no one could hear anything incase he made noise when he didn't mean to.

_I'll paint it on the walls_

'_Cause I'm the one at fault_

_I'll never fight again_

_And this is how it ends_

Harry took the knife and made the first cut across his left wrist, just deep enough for it to bleed. Smiling he placed the knife on the sink temporarily and dipped the tip of his finger into the already pooling blood. Quickly and efficiently he wrote out his message on the walls. Stepping back, he nodded and picked up the knife again.

He smiled as he made two more cuts in his left wrist, then three across his right. Then he sat down and slowly drifted away, a peaceful look finally on his face.

When he was found the next morning, there was a big uproar. Harry Potter, the Chosen One, was dead. And written on the walls, in his own blood, was his final message.

'I don't want to be the one the battles always choose because inside I realize I'm the one confused. I don't know what's worth fighting for or why I have to scream. I don't know how I got this way, I'll never be all right. So I'm breaking the habit tonight.'

_I don't know what's worth fighting for_

_Or why I have to scream_

_But now I have some clarity_

_To show you what I mean_

_I don't know how I got this way_

_I'll never be all right_

_So I'm breaking the habit_

_I'm breaking the habit_

_I'm breaking the habit_

_Tonight_

AN: So, what did you think? Good, bad, what? I'll accept any critism or comments as long as you're not rude about it. And thanks in advance for those of you who decide to review.


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